My original intention for writing about resilience was to explore a topic that may be a bit challenging but important anyway! I thought I might be able to say something funny about the topic or give it a light feel. Not true! Resilience for our kids is more serious of a topic and I would not want to dismiss the seriousness. This blog is more about my own realization as a Mom of how hard it has been and still is; to teach my kids resilience! Hope my thoughts and realizations can be, in some way, motivational to other parents.
Developing resilience is an important life skill for our growing kids (little ones to big ones). Spending time reading and thinking about resilience really made me realize the difficulty I have in teaching this to my kids! Teaching children how to be resilient is uncomfortable! Heck, being resilient as an adult is uncomfortable.
I think I dread and almost fear the uncomfortable, disappointment, and hard stuff my kids experience or need to experience. It can be hard for me to let me kids be a little unhappy without wanting to step in and fix it. I’m not going to get into specifics here; as I do need to maintain a certain sense of privacy and respect for my kids; but their resilience building experiences are not really anything special. It’s basic run of the mill kinds of things, but still very valid and important! Yet, I still struggle with it just the same.
Bouncing back from tough situations and experiences is a common theme among resilience talk and articles. Developing strategies and techniques on how to deal with setbacks, mistakes and failure is the way! Another common theme I noticed was, relationships with supportive family members, friends, teachers and coaches all help to develop resilience.
Honestly, as a mom who is a recovering perfectionist (thank you Brene Brown for this term), I can be very focused on making it all right, so there will be no wrong. I like things to go smooth, if I control it all and try to get it just right, then the uncomfortable part will be minimal – right? Oh, so wrong!!!
Teaching resilience for me means not interfering with my kids and not giving answers and ideas for every little thing that is troublesome! This is a challenge for me! I have not always been good at allowing my kids space; but the good news is I’ve been working at it!
Allowing and trusting our kids to work through the tough and challenging is a lot for a parent. I’m sure I am not the only Mom that wants to take the pain away or give a list of my top solutions to my kids when they are in the midst of a tricky or upsetting situation.
Let’s get down to it here! What are the situations where kids (all ages here) learn to find ways to practice resilience? Here are some resilience building ideas that come to mind for me and there are many more.
Having a teacher that is tough or you just don’t like- and sticking with the it!
Getting a B instead of an A or a C instead of a B.
Playground injury.
Sandbox sharing gone bad.
Having a bad day and making it through anyway.
Forgetting something for your day and then figuring out what to do without calling/texting Mom or Dad.
A Friend issue or concern.
Losing a game.
Trying something new.
Standing up for someone or standing alone!!
Plan A is awesome; but being able to navigate plan B is necessary in life. Giving our growing kids an opportunity to feel defeated, a little upset or to have a bad day just may be the answer to building resilience.
I do not want to minimize the reality that some children develop resilience during extremely challenging times; and still have to work at bouncing back. There are great resources available for situations that demand a higher level of resilience work. (See links below.)
Giving kids the time and space to live through something tough; and having that moment of realization that they can make it is valuable! Embracing resilience is not my favorite part of parenting! Knowing my role as a supporter of my children can help build resilience, is a comfort!
Building resilience is a practice! Hoping as a parent I can provide what’s needed to allow resilience building in my kids lives.
Here are some links to some articles on resilience. You may have to cut and past links, I apologize- tech difficulties.
Great for parents with elementary aged kids and younger:
https://www.heysigmund.com/building-resilience-children/
Great for parents of teens:
https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/bounce
https://www.inc.com/amy-morin/10-reasons-american-teenagers-are-more-anxious-than-ever.html
Great for all:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-be-yourself/201709/how-build-your-resilience
